Figure Me Out
by vegetabeale
Summary: With no family to support her and the fear that the love of her life only sees her as a one night stand, Beca leaves her thoughts on Chloe's doorstep and sets off to numb this nightmare. Unbeknownst to her, the redhead has some secrets of her own she'd like to share. Movie-based, but tweaked so that basically Jesse doesn't exist.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi guys! So, as a lot of you know, I was planning on posting the first chapter of another, more in-depth fic, but I've decided to re-write parts of it and delay it a bit. I got some inspiration for this sadly through a real life experience, but hopefully I've channeled it into something you'll enjoy reading. This might be a two-shot or a three-shot, haven't decided yet. This fic may be triggering to some of you, so individual warnings will be posted at the beginning of every chapter! Please R&R! :)**

****TRIGGER WARNING FOR ALLUSIONS TO SUICIDE****

_Chloe,_

_I'm going to skip right over all the bullshit greetings. You know the handwriting. You know who this is. In fact, it's October 1st, meaning it's been exactly one year since you first barged into my shower and forced me to sing your lady jam. It's been exactly one year since you sent my life spiraling into confusion and weakness._

_Despite all our time in the Bellas, we never got too close until that night I ended up in prison. Funny, right? Not exactly the way you're taught to make friends. You bailed me out all on your own, while everyone else had opted to just go back to my dorm and wait. And don't get me wrong, I appreciated that they stuck around for me. But you, Chloe? You took the time and the effort to get me out and assure that I was okay._

_Our relationship progressed from there. We became inseparable, constantly staying over in each others' rooms, which annoyed the shit out of Aubrey. I don't need to recap our entire friendship, though. After all, I'm talking to the other half. No, what I want to revisit is the night of your graduation party. The night where things went to both heaven and hell._

_We were both pretty drunk, but I remember it all, clear as day. The way your hand brushed mine as we ended up dancing together. Your eyes met mine, and I saw something there I hadn't before; a mix of adoration and an unusual hunger. Our lips grazed each other, just as gently as our hands had._

_Before long, our tongues were entwined, and we were stumbling towards your half-packed dorm with a growing lust between us. When we reached the door, our faces separated long enough for me to give you a weak nod before crashing into the room._

_Clothes were thrown and it all went by in a rush of thrusting fingers and throaty moans, lust and love battling for the domination of my brain. I was inside of you, you were inside of me. But I think you may have wormed your way into me in more ways than one._

_I left first thing in the morning, and that's the last time we spoke._

_That night taught me two things, Chloe. Firstly, that apparently I'm a bottom…And secondly, that maybe those feelings I'd had for you all year weren't something I could push away any longer._

_Yes, Chloe Beale, I am admitting my love to you. I didn't even consider the possibility of liking girls until I met you, with your sparkling blue eyes that could easily be the work of Walt Disney. Or one of those guys who draw the manga things._

_God, this all sounds so queerballs._

_But wait, I guess that is what I'm trying to tell you, right?_

_I told my dad last week, and…it didn't go very well. I really don't want to get into details. My mom's too busy back at home to even care. And that's when I resolved to tell you. I wanted…needed you to know my feelings. I needed someone to know who wouldn't try to hurt me._

_You are the best thing that's ever happened to me, Chloe Beale. I know I'll never be nothing more than a one-night stand to you, I know you'll never reciprocate the feelings, and I wouldn't blame you if you got all creeped out and never wanted to speak to me again. I don't think it'll be an issue. I just hope you know how special you are to me, how special you always have been, so you never feel worthless…never feel like giving up._

_See you around, Beale._

_Love,_  
_Beca_

The brunette closed her eyes for just a moment, willing the tears not to fall. With a burst of determination, she slid the envelope under Chloe's apartment door and hastily made her way down the emergency staircase and out to her car.

Beca turned, just for a moment, to look up at the redhead's window. She wondered if Chloe ever looked out at the stars on a calm night, or listened to music and watched the rain fall. With a sigh, she opened the door to her Prius and set off towards her destination.

* * *

"But Aubrey, what if she doesn't feel the same way?"

Aubrey Posen rolled her eyes as her best friend continued to asked anxious questions. Chloe had been here for two hours asking for help with Beca. They weren't getting anywhere.

"Chlo," she sighed, "it's obvious to everybody else that the hobbit has feelings for you. So why can't you just go and talk to her?"

"Don't call her that! I thought you two got along now!"

Aubrey chuckled. "Doesn't make her any less tiny."

With that, Chloe flopped onto Aubrey's couch and curled into a ball.

"Listen to me." The blonde's tone was stern, and the huddled mass on the cushions turned her eyes upward to look at her friend. "I can't see you like this any longer. I want you to go home, get changed, buy some flowers, and show up at Beca's door. You need to tell her that wasn't just a one night stand to you."

The redhead's heart skipped a beat at the mention of the night her and Beca had shared. It was obviously the younger girl's first time, which is why she didn't get angry when she woke to an empty bed that morning. But as time went on and contact with Beca became nonexistent, Chloe realized just how deep her feelings ran.

"Okay. Fine! Only because I can't keep this in any longer," Chloe relented.

* * *

An hour later, she unlocked the front door to her apartment and nearly slipped on a small envelope lying on the ground. Upon picking it up, she saw "Chloe" scrawled across the front in familiar handwriting. The biggest smile erupted onto her face. It had to be from Beca.

But her smile faded as quickly as it had appeared.

_"I just don't get it."_

_"It's 'The Notebook,' Beca! What's not to get?" Chloe groaned._

_It was the weekend before the ICCA finals, and the senior had invited Beca over to take a break from the vigorous rehearsals and watch a movie. Although she received a lot of complaint about the movie part, the brunette was at her door with a bag of Laffy Taffy half an hour later._

_"Well," Beca started, chewing on a piece of the candy, "I don't get the whole letter thing. I mean, a letter every day for a year? Isn't that a lot of money for postage?"_

_Chloe whacked the brunette with the DVD's box. "It's romantic."_

_"No, it's pathetic. I think letters are impersonal, honestly."_

_The younger girl's face went blank for a moment._

_"The only letter I think is worth writing is a suicide note."_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for the response I've been getting on tumblr and the faves/follows. It really means a lot to me, since this story is so personal. The final chapter will be the third chapter, and I'll probably post a short epilogue afterwards.**

***TRIGGER WARNINGS FOR ALLUSIONS TO SUICIDE AND ABUSE***

Beca Mitchell wasn't a quitter. She followed through on her promises, and worked hard to get what she wanted in life.

Yet, that's exactly what she was quitting. Life. What did she have left to live for? A father that despised her, a mother who didn't give her the time of day. If anything, she would stay for Chloe. But after the redhead saw her letter, Beca would have nothing left.

And who wants to stay for nothing?

Throwing the door to the radio station open, the brunette winced as the door grazed her ankle. She glanced down at the bruises above her foot, and gently ran her hand over the similar wounds that covered her side.

_"Hey, Dad."_

_"Beca? Well, this is a surprise. Come on in," Warren Mitchell said, the shock in his voice evident. His daughter wasn't one for surprise visits. Or any visits, for that matter._

_The two took a seat on the living room couch, uncomfortable silence hanging over them. Warren watched the freshman, trying to get a read on what she was thinking about. Beca simply kept her eyes on the ground._

_"Is there anything I can do for you?" he asked tentatively._

_Beca looked up, and Warren saw a streak of courage in her eyes before the words came pouring out of her mouth. "Dad, I think I like girls. No, I'm pretty sure I KNOW I like girls. You know that girl Chloe, from the Bellas? I really, really love her. And your my father, and no matter what we've been through, I still wanted you to know this."_

_Not a sound was made. You could hear a pin drop. The two Mitchells sat and stared at each other before the younger spoke._

_"Aren't you going to say something?"_

_Those were the last words out of Beca's mouth before she felt a strong hand connect with her face._

_"Don't joke with me, Beca." Warren towered over her, glaring down at the girl's now-red face._

_"I'm not...I'm not j-joking..."_

_A wild rage overtook the man, and in seconds Warren Mitchell had his daughter pinned to the wall, screaming in a way that could probably be heard by all the neighbors._

_"NO DAUGHTER OF MINE WILL LIKE GIRLS! YOU GREW UP LEARNING THAT HOMOSEXUALITY WAS A SIN! IS THIS YOUR WAY OF REBELLING?! SOME WAY OF GETTING BACK AT ME FOR LEAVING?!"_

_Disgusted, he threw Beca to the side, causing her to fall hard into the wooden table by the doorway and twist her ankle in a way that it certainly wasn't meant to be bent._

_"Get out. And only come back if you're ready to be my normal, heterosexual daughter again." With that, the older Mitchell stormed off. Beca heard his office door slam before limping out the front door and breaking down into tears on the porch._

_Instinctively, she pulled out her phone and dialed her mother, all the way back in New York._

_"Jane Mitchell, speaking?"_

_"Mom, i-it's Beca."_

_The older woman sighed. "Beca, sweetie, I'm at work. You know how I feel about calls at work."_

_Tears rushed down Beca's face. "I know, Mom, b-but...Dad, he..."_

_"Your father and I split for a reason," Jane interrupted, her tone now unusually cold. "If you're having a problem with him, it's not something I can help with. I'll talk to you another time."_

_Click. The line went dead._

Beca yanked herself from the memory and began shivering violently. Not wanting to waste any more time, she made her way through the shelves of CDs and towards the staircase that led to the station's roof.

* * *

The ringing from the other end of the phone was becoming unbearable for Chloe. "Come on, pick up, pick up..."

"What's crackin', Red?"

"Amy, thank god!" Chloe breathed out a sigh of relief before the panic returned to her voice. "Are you in your room?"

"Yeah, why?" the Tasmanian asked, as she continued taking selfies on her laptop to send to her boyfriends later.

"Is Beca there? If she isn't, do you have any idea where she might be?"

Amy paused. "No, she's not here. Why the concern, Red? Finally ready to attack her like a lion and a gazelle?"

"No...I mean, yes...Amy, and this is serious!" the senior yelled into the receiver. "I think...I think that Beca might be trying to hurt herself. She's scaring me, and I can give you the details later, but I need to find her and make sure she's okay."

Chloe heard a loud crash on the other end as Amy dropped her laptop on the ground. The blonde's face contorted into a mix of worry and shock. She thought back to that morning, the last time she'd seen the smaller freshman. Beca had gone into their shared dorm room, looking rather grumpy, grabbed some stuff, and then left. But what had she grabbed?

_Think,_ Amy told herself, _think! Why can't you remember? Were you on drugs again?! Did Bumper slip you some roofie last night?_

Wait. That was it.

"Uh, Chloe? Beca was here this morning. She grabbed her...uh...her key to the radio station's roof."

The redhead's heart began hammering. "Shit!" she screamed, before stabbing the end button on her phone and grabbing her jacket.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the response I've gotten for this story! It just amazes me. This is /technically/ the last chapter, but an epilogue will be posted later today that sorta ties everything together. I'll warn you ahead of time, this chapter will feel like it ends quickly and unexpectedly, but that's just how these things happen, isn't it?**

****TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE****

Anyone who knew Chloe Beale knew that she was happy-go-lucky, and very rarely scared. Fear was something that she refused to let plague her mind.

But the thought of losing Beca Mitchell absolutely terrified her.

The redhead's car screeched to a halt in front of the WBUJ station, and she threw the door open with unbelievable force. Chloe was scared. Scared of what she woudl find when she got to that roof. Scared that she had lost the love of her life.

It was shortly after that infamous one-night-stand that Chloe realized her feelings. When Beca touched her, it felt the way pizza tastes: amazing. The senior slowly fell in love with the drunken "I love you"s the brunette whispered in her ear, the songs that she flawlessly entwined the way their tongues had. Chloe Beale couldn't deny any longer that she wanted to spend her future with Beca Mitchell.

Now, standing in a building where the brunette had spent so much of her time, Chloe saw that future crumbling into nothing.

The staircase to the roof was the only thing standing between her and the truth. The door was ajar, and with a deep breath, the redhead made her way up.

* * *

Beca's stunned expression was enough to tell the senior that she hadn't expected her to be here. "Chloe? What on earth are you fucking doing here?"

"Saving you."

The shorter girl let out a snort as she walked towards the edge of the building.

"That's not likely to happen."

"And why not, Beca? I care about you. It'll break my heart beyond repair if you do this. I'll never find someone like you again," Chloe said through soft tears. Her feet were rooted to the ground, unable to move and pull Beca from the ledge.

Beca sighed. "You'll get over it, Chloe."

The brunette had her back turned to the redhead, but Chloe could hear the sound of carefully disguised sobs. She carefully thought about what to say next before the words flew into the open.

"I read your letter."

Beca didn't miss a beat in answering. "Exactly. And you'll never feel the same, so why should I bother? I don't want to be a burden to someone I love so much," she mumbled, now looking over the ledge at the ground below.

There was a moment of silence, before everything seemed to move in slow motion.

"Beca, I love you too!" Chloe yelled, just as the brunette took a single step forward.

A scream could be heard from above, but all Beca could think about were the words that had just escaped Chloe's mouth as she fell down, down, down.

And then it all went black.


	4. Epilogue

**A/N: Just a quick little epilogue that I thought would help tie it all together. This is actually closely based on the eulogy I wrote and read for my best friend, so it's very close to me heart. Thanks so much for sticking with me through my first (albeit short) posted fanfiction. I have bigger projects on the way :)**

"Beca Mitchell was one of a kind. Then again, so is every human being. But Beca tried so hard to mask that individuality. She didn't want to be noticed; she wanted to be left alone to make her music and live her life.

When I met her, I tried breaking down those walls, climbing over them, sneaking around them. I'd be lying if I said I didn't think I'd made any progress. Beca had opened up to me, albeit just a little. Maybe if I had tried harder, we wouldn't be here today.

I'd also be lying if I said I hadn't slowly begun falling in love with Beca Mitchell.

She had a sparkling personality, hidden beneath the layers of eyeliner and sarcasm. She was unconventionally beautiful, with her "I'm trying, but I'm not trying" hairstyle and her sapphire blue eyes that I'm sure none of you will soon forget. I was drawn to her, and should've told her so earlier.

I hope that Beca's music lives on, and that you all hear it one day, because what she did truly was beautiful. She took completely different products and blended them into a song that would easily get stuck in your head. But more importantly, you should remember her spirit, because despite the belief of some, she had a beautiful one.

They say that eyes are the window into the soul. I hope that when you look into mine, you see Beca Mitchell. Because that's exactly where she'll be: in my soul, my mind, and the bottom of my heart."

Chloe finished her speech, tears beginning to fall and stain her black dress. Looking up, she saw the soaked eyes of the DJ's family and her fellow Bellas.

When she'd been asked to speak at the funeral, a fresh wave of grief had swept over her. But saying no wasn't an option. And she owed it to her former best friend, the girl she adored.

The redhead stole a glance upward, through the skylight and at the clouds. Somewhere up there, Beca Mitchell was watching this display from heaven and laughing at the sappyness of it all. Chloe almost smirked, before she remembered why she was here.

Yet, despite her unquestionable sadness, she didn't feel like this was the end. One day, they'd see each other again. And maybe this time, Chloe would steal a kiss from the brunette. Sober. After she slapped her for breaking her heart down on Earth, of course.

With this newfound hope, Chloe looked out at Aubrey. The blonde seemed to know what was running through her head, and she offered an encouraging nod. Chloe Beale turned once more to the black casket, and whispered three words before finally returning to her seat:

"See you around, Mitchell."


End file.
